Ill keep posting till I get the best advice..lol Men ?? Women? thanks for taking the time.?

Ok look, this question here i need here is a serious heart to heart , i wrote it a fews time and got a few answers but some were just ignorant, dumb or heartless. I need some good advice, to motivate me to become better, or what to do as far as my issue.


Im a very independent, once was strong , live alone 23 years old, grad college, own car, etc. I dont need a mans money , u all know where im going with this.


Any how ive was dating a guy for 3 years, He made me quitmy modeling, friends, ruined all my stuff I worked hard for, yet we both were in love and as all couples had our good days. After our last big burst i moved into a new apt, wanting a new start, signed up for school again just to keep me busy and I wounde up letting him back in the new apt this June. Things got really out of hand and physical as always, and he wasnt working, always in the house id come home from work he'd be leaving or playing video games. Well the last fight we had in June the cops came, i called them because he broke my new stuff and it really pissed me off. We havent seen each other much after court, i dismissed all charges and he got off scott free, I feel like i really crossed him by calling the police but i was so fed up. Its been 4 months now and he hates me. He has called me maybe 4 x over the summer for sex , thats it and every once in a blue drunk. I miss him though, i wanna work this out. I now CANT focus in school, my new apt looks like **** again, im sad , lonely and ive tried everything. Books, meditations, yoga, therapy, freinds.etc... The only thing i havent tried is moving on and meetin new men, I dont want a new man touching me or getting to know me. I truly love my ex and miss he, i know he feels like he can never trust me again with the cops but i would never do that again it just was a crazy moment. Was i wrong? I have taken him back so many times. He has bitten me where ive had to have surgey, ruined my stuff.. etc., I forgave him for worse.. I need advice. I know this isnt heathly, I cant stop texing and calling him for 4 weeks now, no answer..what to do?? How long does this heart ache take and MEN what could an EX do for u to make you want them back??Ill keep posting till I get the best advice..lol Men ?? Women? thanks for taking the time.?
Darling I know you probably don't want to hear this but please leave it be. its obvious he thinks the ball is in his court that's why he is not answering but he sounds like bad news and you know the saying... treat them mean keen and this so true in a sense. No girl ever, well hardly, longs for a man who gives her everything.... that's what we all say and hope for but secretly, from past experiences, we like men who keep us on our feet who make us work for love, but over all the biting is a bit mad and you were in your rights to call police I know how men are...they see red and trash your whole life up never mind your stuff.





You wont feel like this forever babe....trust me ive been there and it is truly hell. all you feel like doing is crying and you just want to break and to have him there cuddling you and all you can think of is the good times but when he is back in your arms all you will think about is the bad times.





From the moment you called the police you have put up a barrier in the eyes of your ex and now you have huffed/annoyed/ made him hate you and not ring you no more or call around for sex etc this has scared you in the sense you don't have that thing in the back of your mind when you are getting on with your life, that says well at least i will see him, he will be back or i will hear from him in a few days. now that has been taken away from you, your sort of safety, reassuring net has gone you gave subconsciously panicked and grown this Obsession that you now need him as he doesn't want you by not showing any interest.





So try and understand this and go out with your friends and meet new lads at clubs.... your young, you are supposed to be meeting new ppl not dwelling over ex's....





I know you can do it, it seems impossible now but trust me you will be laughing about it soon hun! Try it!Ill keep posting till I get the best advice..lol Men ?? Women? thanks for taking the time.?
All I can suggest is for you to go to counseling to find out why you love a man who abuses you.
i think honesty if you want to better for yourself.. you need to give him up and find yourself..... you really lost yourself and your spirit....





the question is.. do you want to be in love with this man and be miserable or do you want to have a good future.? a good job... good money... have friends and be happy....





you already know what he is like. what he turns out like..... is he's lazy or not....





dont feel sorry for him because you mention that he doesnt work but stays over..... if so... he is a lazy bumm who knows how to get it and what and where he wants it... he's got a roof over his head because of you.... those guys will never change..... they say they will get a job but no... they wiill never.....





do whats best for you even tho you really like this guy.. somtimes you guys just arnt ment to be.......





you need to meet new people and sooner or later you'll find one that treats you way better... one who loves you way better... and one who has a goal they like to reach... even when or if you guys do get marry... he'll still try to reach his goals while he is still loving you...





you dont want to raise a BIG boy in your house.. he'll become a baby and you'll have to take care of him...
I've seen this question before and if you didn't get any ';good advice';, it's because you are looking for someone to give you the answer you want to hear. Why ask the question if you don't want to hear the truth. The truth is, no matter how much you miss him and the few good times you have when he's around, it's just not worth all the negative stuff you keep listing. For someone who is so ';independent';, it sure sounds like you are dependent on a losing relationship. It's not going to get any better the next time he comes back. Stop the madness and move on for goodness sake. There is someone out there who will treat you better than him.
My goodness what a long pouring out of a story. Now perhaps you will think I am heartless, I am not. I am caring and compassionate and have lived, been, hurt and suffered much. You complain to much. You want someone to rescue you and solve your problem. You could spend a lot of time and money in therapy, I'll try to save you the money.





You will receive much advice ad much points of view. This is my advice to you.:





Stop wasting your money on self help books, most suck. Take control of your life, empower yourself. The past is gone, the future is up to you, the present focus on that. Our power lies in our choices. We must face the consequences of our actions and decision's. I Believe in karma. Everything we do comes back. We do bad it comes back threefold,we do good it comes back threefold.





Define what you want to change in your life make a list set goals then do it. It's hard work and requires patience and time. Don't play the victim and blame you ex saying ';he made me do this made me quit my job etc'; You CHOOSE to quit your job.





If your ex was a scumbag you should have left him. Look at your self esteem. Set standards for men and realize you deserve better. If I were you I would forget about your ex, sounds like you are obsessed. Take a look at that. Why do you want him back? Do you need him? What need/needs do you want him fulfill? Look up codependency. It is up to YOU to meet your needs, not him and if your relationship is based on need then it's unhealthy.





Be equals in relationships, complement each other, share. Love is not possession or controlling or needy.





Now I have given you advice from much experience with men, what you now CHOOSE to do is up to you, I can help you no further.





Good Luck,


Kaja
well all i can say is that you need to really get help...i have had three abusive relationships 2 of which the men hit me an 1 were i was the abuser...its hard to say i wantto leave with out the other gettin upset...love is a strange thing..it makes you do crazy things...





all i can say is that you an your x need to really tlk bout yur problems...the only way to know if your really in love an want to make it wrk is if yal are ready to tlk bout the things that has happened in the past...





in my opinion i think that you shud let him go an try to move on but thats me...true it will be hard but i did it an my new bf is semi great we're still tryn to get to kno each other and its only ben 3 months...jus tlk to him an i think you an him will be fine...





i hope that helps
You want to hear that it will all be ok, that he will change and not be mean, or hit you, or break your stuff. The reality is he isn't going to change because you keep rewarding his behavior by letting him back in and even begging him to come back. I ask you what is it you love about him? How often do you get to see the part you love if you can even name it. Do you like how sweet he is after he messes up and how he brings you flowers or something he knows you love after you are bruised and your stuff is torn apart? What cost is it to you to get to that? Listen and listen close. You have forgotten how to love yourself. You need to find a good therapist and really figure out why you are drawn to this man. Get help, you are worth it.
lady, this man doesn't care about you thats very obvious and clear! you need to ask yourself why you would want to be with a man who beats on you,and just wants you for a sex object? whats going to end up happenning is he will accidentally or purposely end up killing you, this is an abusive person,watch the true crime stories on tv women get murdered by people like this all the time there bodies end up being found in shallow graves,garbage dumpsters. or sometimes never found at all!! i would very strongly suggest that you find a support group for battered women, you exhibit very strong symptoms of battered womens syndrome. my best advice to you is to find a church that has a (celebrate recovery program) celebrate recovery covers many topics, the rest of the advice is to get involved in a church, get on the internet and put (battered women support groups) in your search bar, i truly hope and pray this will send you in the right direction to get out of this situation, you even said it yourself';i know this isn't healthy'; my prayers are with you, find god in your heart and ask him to help you ,HE WILL HELP YOU, YOU MUST ALSO HELP YOURSELF, GOD BLESS YOU!
well i think you already know what you have to do, you just need to find a way to do it :) your prior relationship with him was clearly abusive. you were not wrong in calling the police because once any sort of violence starts, it generally ends with someone like you becoming a statistic. people become ex's for a reason. in your case, reasons. you say you want him back. i am not sure why. if you look at what you have said, if you reach back into your memory and weigh the good times against the bad times, i am certain you will realize that he is not the one for you. yes you have done much to move on. you will have to get by the hurdle of not wanting anyone other than him to touch you. please keep going to meditations, yoga, and hanging out with your friends. you may not be ready quite yet to meet a new man, but once you begin to believe in yourself and in a yet unfound relationship you will have no problems in making that next big step. as far as what any of my ex's could do for me to want them back? nothing. that is why they are ex's.