Don't understand my god mom. 10 points for the best advice.?

My mom and I have a conservation about love. She is a 55. She is a teacher who has dated over 30 guys. She claims the love of her life was a married man. She was the other women for 4 years. It was the longest relationship she's ever had. She claimed she always run into imature and irresponsible guys. The father of her only child gave her a fake marriage to her (Fake SSN) and left her and the child.





Regardless of all hardship, she still looks for romances. She loves to read romantic books and chat with men on dating websites. She has never dated a man for long because she will find something bad about them. Then, she is sad about NOT finding a good man or true love.





I do the opposite to her. I never seek for a relationship. I am happy being single. On ther other hand, she always want to have someone. She think I am weird to not wanting someone. I think she is too desperated to in a relationship.





She asks me do I have passion? I don't understand what passion she talks about?Don't understand my god mom. 10 points for the best advice.?
Some people don't really understand that a good relationship is the hardest job in the world. They spend all of their time looking for someone to love them and once they find them, chase them away with their preconcieved notion of what ';love'; is suppose to be. It is quite a shame.


When you get older, you do not want to be alone and I see a lot of people settle for bad relationships rather than being alone.





However, there is a wonderful book called ';Love and Respect'; and it tells what women do to ruin a relationship and what men also do. It also gives positive advise on what men need and are looking for and what women need out of a relationship and how we actually drive each other out of our lives by doing the exact opposite of what each sex craves and needs. It is very insightful, changed the way I think about men and relationships and actually may have saved my marriage.





I highly recommend it and I highly recommend that we do understand that men and women need and desire different things and by respecting each other a happy positive relationship can be formed. After all, we need to be loved and admired, we were not ment to be alone, I don't think and with the positive, rather than negative connotations we bring to a relationship from prior circumstances, we can actually be happy in any situation, yes for better or worse and in sickness and in health.





Good luck to you and if you can find the book you might get it for your God mom and maybe she can have a long lasting relationship based on mutual respect and trust.


If she is a codependent and seeks relationships with people who are abusive, users or addicts, there is also a book by Melody Beaty called Codepent no More. I have seen many a life changed by this book.





Good luck to you and your God mom and may true happieness fall upon you at ever juncture of your life.





Blessings to you my friend.


I also apologize if I have misspelled anything, my spell check is not working and it is late and I must get to bed, so I hope that the content of the answer over rides any misspellings.





Oh and by the way, passion is totally different than love. I have always looked at a person that I loved and thought, would I love them if something were to happen to them and they were not able to work, needed my help on a daily basis for basic needs and could not provide the ';physical'; type of relationship b/c of a medical condition. If the answer was yes, then I knew it was love, not infatuation or just a fling.Don't understand my god mom. 10 points for the best advice.?
Passion and love are to different feelings. Passion is what you feel at the beginning of every realtionship, while love is what you find after 20 years. She has a different way of dealing with love, she hopes to fill a void that was left by the father of the child as well as being only the mistress to her one true love.





You on the other hand are waiting for love to find you (it will), while she is out to find love.





Of course you have passion.
first of all i think your mum sounds great and its nice to hear of mother and daughter disscusing the issues of love!


I think when she talks of if you have passion in your life this is the amazing feeling she had once for that one special man that made her carry on with her search for that perfect relationship and that is why she doesnt settle for anything less! Good on her!
Every person is different. Thats what makes the world special.. There are those that strive feel the need to have a companion by there side. Others don't feel that need are more independent. There is nothing wrong with either. You and your mother are total opposites that is why it is so hard for either of you to understand the others view points. What your mother means by passion is that feeling of falling in love. The lust the attraction the good feeling it brings to her.
I feel the way she was raised %26amp; the events that occur in her life probably placed her in a position of needing a man to complete herself...There are many people that have similar needs %26amp; it's usually an insecurity about themselves...The reason she may always find something wrong with them,may be to protect her from being left by them...so,she drops them first.I hope this helps a bit.
Your mam sounds like my sister only my sister up to now as been married 4 times.Shes the same age has your mam.


When you meet the right man your passion will be aroused.
I am a single mom, raising a 10yr old son, %26amp; ever since I've had my son, I've given him 110% of me, my undivided attention %26amp; everything that I can possibly give....I've never thought about dating, I am a home body, which is fine. But my son will grow up %26amp; have his own life, and I would need to find a companion at that point, %26amp; I would be around your mom's age. My point is, you are still ok w/ the fact that you are single, because you have your whole life ahead of you.


You have to realize that your mom is at the point in her life, where she wants to find someone that will make things %26amp; life matter for her, someone to do things %26amp; grow old with. Seems like, she's never had any luck w/ guys in the past, and that's very unfortunate. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with her wanting to find someone, when your older %26amp; more mature maybe you will understand her better. Passion, is a very strong feeling of great love %26amp; enthusiasm.
It sounds very much like you are secure and happy with yourself, and your god mum needs a man to feel complete. In other words, you don't need anyone else around necessarily but your god mom does, and therein lies the problem.





I suspect she is attracting the wrong type of man too, it cannot be just accident that she has dated irresponsible men. She needs to correct this behaviour or else she will carry on making the same mistakes, time and time over.





She also sounds like she's idealising what a relationship is; of course there will always be something wrong with a partner- that's life!





But I think the best thing you can do for her is to help her be happy in herself; to help her take delight in things that don't involve having a man! Once she feels complete she will lose the desperation.
Sounds like she likes the romance and the passion and uncertainty and drama of the chase, and finds guys that can't measure up to her standards so she can always find a new one, seeking the charming prince.





I'd say you are fine as you are. Her behavior is not 100% normal. Not thirty guys. Most women might know or date a lot of men.





The big clue is when she dated the married guy, it was her longest one. This shows she can't stand to be on a relationship with someone that requires commitment.





Dating someone married, it keeps him tied to his wife, while she is free to come and go as she pleases, and doesn't have to commit, or do anything except sex.





I'd google commitment fear and learn more about her personality type, as it sounds like that's what her personality is.





You sound okay. Good luck.
I have nothing to say about her personal life; thats all on her.


She does seem a bit desperate though, but who can blame her?





I would be heartbroken if that happend to me.


%26amp; she said it was the love of her life.





Maybe when she visits those webcites she feels attractive %26amp; loved. She misses all that.





%26amp; i think the ';passion'; she means is the PASSION for love %26amp; care and someone to be there for you. To hug and to love.


you know?


Everyone loves to be loved. and maybe she worries you don't believe in that kind of stuff.





But who knows, i think you should ask her yourself.


=]


Good luck!
She sounds like my mom. Dates someone and then there is something that goes wrong and shes hurt again. She was supposed to get married here soon, but nope guess what hes not right. I don't get it. I'm happily married and I know I found the right guy and she trys to make it out like hes bad. Not sure if shes scared of commiment or she likes being unhappy. Really don't understand it.


I don't think you are weird not wanting a relationship. After seeing what your mother has gone through I don't blame ya. I was scared to turn out like my mom but I made damn sure I didn't. I don't know about the passion thing. Passion to never give up maybe, or just the romance at the time that you have it. Thats the only things I can think of. Good luck
Sometimes when we are hurt in life it seems like the ones we trusted and loved the most are the ones who let us down. It is not always easy getting right back up and your mom probably does not want a commitment in life. If we expect not much then we are not so easily disappointed. We have a choice to repeat the cycle or break the chain. When your mom asked you if you had a passion she was referring to goal...a love...a direction in life. Something you are reaching towards. What it is that you love.
first of all i think your god mom is afraid of getting hurt but loves the feeling of being in love as long as she doesn't get too close and she is looking for mr. perfect and he does not exsist.


Second...passion can mean several diffrent things to several people...the act of loving or being sexual....the hearts desire to find prince charming...the other half of your soul you are searching for you soul mate...the one that god has made for you....I think she is living in a fantasy world and it's driven by emotions, but real love is more than just passion, it's friendship, attraction, devotion and unconditional.
It seems to me that your god-mom doesn't have a very healthy relationship patterns. It's very sad that her only true love was a married man. If she respected herself a little more she would see that being in a relationship with a married man is very demeaning and should not be tolerated. It seems that she created an ideal man that she wants to find, but she attracts men that use her and leave her, or that she doesn't want. Having a good relationship is a very hard work. A good relationship is not equivalent to a relationship without any arguments or to a relationship with constant happiness. It's not wrong to be single, it's not wrong to want to find true love. It becomes a problem when a desire for a relationship or to stay single becomes an obsession. If you want to be alone be alone, but don't close yourself to an idea of love. If you meet someone be with that person, don't run away because you don't want to be like your god-mother. You will find what passion is when you will fall in love, I promise you. But having a passion also doesn't mean being with 30 or 40 guys. Good luck.