I dont know what to do for the best, advice needed!?

Hello i just dont know what to do. Im 26 yrs old, married and 39 weeks pregnant with my first child, my problem is that my mum is an alcoholic and has been since i was very young. I must add that i was never abused or neglected as a result of this but im experiencing alot of conflict at the moment because i dont know if i want her to be a part in our babies life or not. I gave my mum an ultimatum a few weeks before christmas, either she cut down on the drinking or doesnt have very much to do with her first grandchild and from what ive seen she hasnt really cut down.I do love my mum with all my heart and have always and will always be there for her but i dont want my baby around that sort of thing and the people she mix`s with are all scum bags. For many years now its been like she was my daughter but what do i do? She wants to come to the hospital and be involved but i know she`ll of had a drink but she`ll deny it. So what do i do for the best?I dont know what to do for the best, advice needed!?
As a alchoholic in recovery I would like to say that unless your mum gets help and learns to accept she has a problem your fears are justified, tell her straight that if she has been drinking she will not be welcome at the hospital, cruel but believe me, you have to think only about yourself and your baby, she will either get help or keep drinking, if she chooses the drink, back off, you can't help, no one can. It's an ugly and destructive drug, don't ruin your own life for her, she will not thank you, be strong and please take some comfort that you are not alone with this problem, you can get advice from AA who try to help the families of alchoholics, if you feel you want to do more to help try to convince her to go to her doctor or visit an AA meeting with her, but first and foremost look after yourself. I wish you the very best with everything.I dont know what to do for the best, advice needed!?
Tough love - don't allow her to see your baby unless she admits she's got a problem and gets some help for her drinking. And don't allow her in the hospital when you're having the baby - you need all your strength for yourself, and not to be worrying what state your mum is in and what she may do or say. I know it's hard but you need to think of yourself and your baby first. Let's hope that being cut out of her grandchild's life is the incentive she needs to sort herself out. Good luck with the birth.
You might want to look into a program called Al-anon for yourself. It's for the family or people who love an alcoholic.
While I appreciate everyone's opinion that alcoholism is an illness, it's not that simple.. my father is an alcoholic and has been in rehab a total of 11 times since I was 16. He has had considerable professional help but in the end, the pay off he receives from drinking is bigger than the pay off from being sober. For some, receiving treatment is the answer; for others it is not. And like with any illness, if you don't follow the treatment, you have responsibility for the consequences. Understanding that alcoholism is an illness does not answer the question.





As your mum's daughter it is NOT your responsibility to ensure that she gets sober. She needs to make that decision. And tough love/ultimatums etc are all you can do. You are going to be a mum and you DO and WILL have a responsibility to protect your child from harm. Right now, your mum is toxic. I know and understand all your feelings of guilt, sadness and regret that your mum can't be part of your new baby's life, but you are right to make this decision. My father absolutely ruined my wedding day and I was upset for many months about it - however, I am an adult and can cope with upset feelings with support. I will not allow any baby I bring into the world to be contaminated by my dad's toxicity. I love him but it wouldn't be good for him, for me and certainly not for my baby. Get yourself support: go to Al-Anon. Give your mum leaflets on getting support. But stick to your guns and STAY AWAY from her if she's drinking as you will not be dealing with your mum, but the chemical. I really hope it works out for you. Take care x
you know deep in your heart what you need to do, no body can give you advice on this as its your family and your life, only you knows what is best for your babay and im sure that you will be a great mum to your baby, but that baby will be the number one thing in your life and you will do what you need to do to protect care and love for that child. good luck with making the right decision, look deep in your heart soull and mind to find it. feel free to email me
Recognise that she has an illness - alcoholism is NOT a choice. By giving her an ultimatum it will not help get the desired outcome.. she is ill and like any other illness she has no choice about drinking..





That said, well done you for putting your new baby before anything, but what better reason to give her to get clean than to meet, be there for and love her new grandchild??





Ofcourse she should never be left alone with the baby etc but once she meets him or her and has that bond then you can sit her down and let her know how important she is to all of you and that with all your help and love (as well as that of the professionals) you are ALL gonna help her with her drinking..





Having a baby is stressful enough so try not to be worrying about your Mum just now - focus on you and baby, then in a few weeks/months talk to her again..cutting her out completely would be cruel (given she is addicted) and that she is otherwise a great Mum.





Plus it may well mean she drinks more and feels she has nothing left to live for.





You sound a lovely person and I am sure you will make a terrific Mum, lucky baby having such a considerate parent.





Good luck and get lots and lots and lots of sleep me time now if you can. x
My grandparents smoked. My sister has had asthma all of her life. Everytime they would come over it sent my sister into an attack. My mom told them either they quit or they don't get to see us. My grandpa actually got hypnotised to stop smoking. It worked. He still tells my sister that she saved his life by giving him a reason to stop smoking. Alcoholism is even worse than smoking. She will not see the baby have any problems like my grandpa did. Tell her that you would like to see her going to AA on a regular basis and she can have everything to do with the baby. Set it all up for her so that she has no excuses. Good luck!
help her give her a chance my grandad was a alcoholic i let him near my son only when i was there try to get her some help its up to you but don't cut her out of your life you might regret it and it might make her drink more talk to her again and get some help don't do it on your own good luck
Even though you say that your mom never abused or neglected you, the fact that she was an alcoholic probably had a huge impact on your life. Your mom has been drinking for so long that even giving her an ultimatim will not do much. Don't feel bad about that though. Alcoholism is a disease and people have to truly hit rock bottom most the time before they seek help. And even then sometimes they don't. I wouldn't exclude her from your babies life unless you plan on excluding yourself from her life. But I would not leave her alone with the child. Maybe seeing your baby will make her realize that she has something to live for besides drinking. Babies truly can be a blessing in everybodies life!
She has an illness and she will need professional help for it.


They can help her see why she should stop drinking. Be warned though that it wont happen overnight. She will need support from you too, and if she falters then dont disapprove, help her. Good luck and congrats!
My heart goes out to you, I've been in a similar situation. Let her come to your house to see her grandchild, but she has to be sober. If she turns up drunk send her away. I wouldn't let her take the baby out or baby sit unless she had been sober for at least a year. I didn't let my child spend time with her Nan until she was 5 and on the condition she didn't touch a drop of alcohol. Made her promise. She let me down badly and the consequences could have been awful. Stand firm.